My Sweet Samantha

Its January 10th 2008, you are 2 years 6 months 2 weeks and 2 days old. You weigh 24 pounds and honestly I don’t know how tall you are but you are growing so beautifully. It seems like only a few months ago that I gave birth to you. When people say “time fly’s by” or “it seems like only yesterday that my child was a baby” I never quite grasped that, I never completely understood how that could feel. Tonight I grasped those concepts like never before. I held you in my arms while you slept, I brushed your face with my fingers and I admired your perfect lips. I was in awe at how much you look like me yet you look so much like your father too, you are a part of us, you carry us within you.

I watched every breath you took like it was a miracle, like there was nothing in the world that was more important at that moment then to just look at you. Then, at that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks….you are a miracle. No, sweetie, not your every day miracle, you are a true gift from god in every way. You were meant to be here. You were meant to be our wonderful child. Somehow you were meant to be on this earth and touch the lives you encounter, even at infancy. The feeling of you and god’s work went so deep into my soul that I could not stop crying form joy. While you laid there in my arms I relived every moment of my pregnancy with you, your birth and the years leading to now. It has been years. Not once did the reality of every thing hit me until that moment. Oh, and how I would do it over and over and over again, no matter the pain, the fear or the moments of sorrow, that was the smallest price any one has ever paid for such a phenomenal gift. All I could do was thank god, I thanked him for giving you to me, I thanked him for watching over you and making you healthier. Most of all I thanked him for making you every bit of who you are and who you will be.

I wish I could capture these moments into a bottle so I will never loose them. I wish that there will never be a day in my life that I forget these wonderful moments of your childhood. This is my capture of time, my letter to you. I know one day these days we live at this moment will be a vague or lost memory as new wonderful memories take their place.

There were nights I cried thinking I would never have a child, I would never know motherhood, or the touch of a infants hand, or the joy of all the first’s life brought to little minds, the feel of a love beyond comprehension beyond our understanding. Never, not once did I realize how much I underestimated those moments in my daydreams. There will never be words to describe how you make me feel. How much I love you, it’s an understatement to say I would give my life for you. If you filled the world, the skies and the havens with pure love that would not be enough to measure my love for you.

There are times that I am so sad to think that there are people who will never know what a blessing it is to know you. To see you grow and learn, it’s like watching the creation of a wonderful person right before your eyes. Oh, how they are missing out on something, someone who is truly unique and special. There are few souls in the world like yours, there are not many people who carry god within them like you do. The innocent and unconditional love you carry with in you is rare. No one could ever compare to you, you are your own being entirely.



I want to capture a wonderful thing that happened today, I want you to know how smart and intelligent you are.
Today you had your developmental review and the therapist was in shock at how much progress you made in the last eight months. Eight months ago you were 2-4 months delayed in your development, your speech was 6-8 months delayed and you physical capabilities as a toddler were delayed from 2-6 months. You not only caught up with your age but you went above and beyond that. You are 30 ½ months and you are developmentally 30-36 months. Your speech and physical capabilities are right on target. Wow, how you continue to amaze me.

Samantha, I want you to remember that there are always moments in life where you feel pure happiness and pure sadness but there will always be pure love, never forget that in your best or your worst of days.

Love,
Your mommy